Mama Rucci

I Don’t have an inside voice, Please Stop asking me to use it!

Midol Saves Husband August 11, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Rachel Ferrucci @ 1:39 am
Tags: , , , , ,

I am always known for being optimistic, including when I turned 40. What puzzles me is I am the baby of the bunch and not one of my so-called friends gave me a heads up of what was to come. In all my years I never had PMS and couldn’t understand what all the ruckus was about. I went to bed last night my usual happy go lucky self and this morning I have no idea who the monster was that awoke. The minute I came to, I felt horrible, I figured it was due to the messed up dream I had about cannibals – ( I had to save my family and some stupid people wouldn’t listen to me so I let them be eaten) hmmm that’s so unlike me- I love saving people….the world…wow weird dream.

While I’m getting ready for work, which I’m now totally pissed that I even have to work, why can’t my husband just go get a couple more jobs so I can sit home and play on Twitter and my blog all day….What evah!!! Anyway….my hair won’t do shit…so what all I need to do is throw it up in a clip, My pants are tight….omg did my food not digest, did I shrink my clothes, did my body absorb water in the shower???????? Why the hell is everything so tight??? Damn my back hurts…must be from the crazy weekend I had, I feel nauseated, must be from the  gallon of ice cream and LB of chocolate I had last night. Why am I getting a headache?? OMG I have been up for an hour…this isn’t going to be a good day.

Of course every stupid idiot driver is out this morning……CAN YOU DO THE SPEED LIMIT!!!! PLEASE – if you want to do 45 mph get in the right lane. Why the hell does every other state need to cut through CT…that’s it!…. we need tolls on the borders!!!!!

Finally get to work. Can you believe these morons want me to serve them??? I don’t care I’m their waitress, don’t they see I DON’T feel good and to top it off they want more coffee!! I keep smiling and growl to myself. Then a customer asks me, “Why do you smoke?” I tell her…well I weigh my options…..jail or cigarettes… I choose cigarettes! This crap goes on for 6 hours. I get through the day with the only person who notices I’m pissy is the other waitress…which she clearly tells me I’m being pissy to her…OMG I am NOT, I’m my same cheery self!!!!!

Finally get to come home and as I’m pulling up, my husband waves to me from the pool. Now by this time I know and I say to myself, “Rachel, you are experiencing a severe case of PMS, watch your tone and what you say…try not to make eye contact…You LOVE your family!!” I go to the pool and sit…my unsuspecting husband smiles and says why don’t you come in?? (Are YOU friggin kidding me?? I just got home from work as you enjoyed the day off and obviously sat your ass by the pool…wtf…I don’t want to play in the pool… I want to go play ostrich and stick my head in the ground, or better yet I want to move away…by myself…ALONE, away from you people!!!) Getting control of my thoughts, I simply say..I’m not feeling too well…..he says ohhhhhhhhhh. (What the hell is that supposed to mean?? OHHH? I wish for once you would get bloated, headaches, cramps, and every thing else that goes along with this mid-life PMS crap) Where is a genie when you need one??? I again simply say..yes I don’t feel well, so I WON’T be cooking, where would you like to go to dinner? Some how he knew that his life depended on taking me out to dinner and he agreed ever so quickly! I need to go find the Midol and take it as directed every 6 hours…maybe I should not push it and take it every 4 hours!!!! 20 minutes goes by…the Midol has kicked in……hubby is taking me out to dinner. Maybe he IS a smart man… I will spare him his life today!

So my friends, I end with this- If this is what I have to look forward to with PMS in my 40’s, I’m not liking it, in fact I hate it….oh forgot to mention, last month I cried for a week…why?? I dunno!!!

Gee I can’t wait for the hot flashes!!!!

What do you do to help with PMS or should I say…what helps you stay out of jail?


10 Responses to “Midol Saves Husband”

  1. Christy Dixon Says:

    Prozac, Rachel. It saves lives.

  2. Katbron Says:

    Funny Rachel – welcome to life at and well after 40:) I find that tremendous workouts and lots of sleep are the answer some of the time:)

  3. I had to share this…LOL

  4. hahahahahhaha! Thank You Shirley! I really needed a laugh this morning!!!

  5. Sylvia Fiore Says:

    Funny but so true!

  6. mine isn’t too bad…my daughters are another story! Amanda gets the mother of all attitudes and Jackie can clear a room in 5 seconds flat when “aunt Flow” is on her way.
    7 hours ago

  7. Rich Ferrucci Says:

    and everybody wonders why I am the way I am

  8. Erin Says:

    LOL I love it! You are too funny Rach! ((hugs))

  9. Jen Trupp Says:

    You described PMS perfectly. I definitely have those moments!!

  10. Alyson Says:

    I take two Aleve every 10 hours for the first two days. Then I run and hide in bed as much as possible (and stay in my office at work). Limit contact with everyone! It doesn’t get any better…. I am 51 and I am just starting with the hot flashes (and I live in Florida…… ). Where is the cure for this besides just getting older?
    You are too funny…. loved this post, am going to have DH read it!

    Alyzabeth’s Mommy for Eleven Months!

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